Year's end, year's beginning

Back in Philly for New Year's Eve, we spent the last week and a half in South Texas. To me, it is still a somewhat strange and foreign place, but to Michelle, it is home. The weather got progressively better while we were there. Christmas weekend we went to Michelle's parents' place about an hour north of Corpus Christi and stayed inside almost the whole time because of wind and rain. But the day we went to the gulf coast, pictured at right, it was quite nice, though still windy.

Because of the timing of work and everything, we declared Saturday the 24th our 'Christmas', or at least, our day of exchanging gifts and eating ridiculous amounts of food. No wait, the food part was all week. Anyway, it was a nice cozy family affair with lots of wrapping paper and spiked eggnog.

I took the opportunity of this vacation to learn to crochet. It may seem an odd endeavor, but my intention is to figure out something to do with the vast numbers of plastic bags that we've accumulated and can't figure out what to do with since they're not recyclable and we don't want to throw them away. My fiber-artist friend Janell delivered a crochet hook for me one early morning a few weeks ago then let me borrow a book about it - I still haven't had any success with the plastic, but I'm still learning the stitches for now anyway...

This is the end of the year, too, and what a year. I wouldn't have this blog if it weren't for the brain tumor, but looking back on it, it would have been a pretty incredible year anyway. For my own edification, I'll list a few things, not particularly brain tumor related, that stand out:

• getting married
• driving cross-country with my team from work (who also happen to be my friends)
  
• visiting North Carolina - twice - and taking the train back once
  
• getting a tour of the new Smithsonian Air and Space Museum from the Director
  
• watching humpback whales (on our honeymoon, no less) off of Cape Cod
  
• learning AJAX for reals
• learning the foxtrot with my wife
• riding a bicycle built for two with my wife on Martha's Vineyard
  

That's a good year. I started out 2006 thinking of stability and what I got turned my world upside-down. I'm starting out 2007 also thinking of stability - here's to the New Year.

Staying on chemo, enjoying winter

Currently on my 4th day of the 7th cycle of Temodar chemotherapy. Feel generally OK, a little fatigue, a little constipation, insides feeling kinds sludgy.

I spoke with my neurologist about 'pausing' chemo for a few months while I enjoyed my health during the winter. She didn't go for the 'taking a break' approach but said that 'it is not unreasonable to stop' the Temodar at six months, since that's the actual standard of treatment for glioma. She recommended continuing for another six months, however, because their trials with anaplastic (grade III) gliomas indicate that 12-14 months of Temodar is more effective for this type of tumor. She also said that she has several patients with similar tumors that are doing fine who stopped after 6 months of Temodar, so... She didn't have anything to add to the Temodar v. leukemia issue, only that 'all chemotherapy agents are toxic and have side effects', so... Well, Michelle and I discussed it and then called in Tim and Charlotte to confer Monday evening and I finally decided to continue with chemotherapy as the best path for my long term health despite the risks and discomfort.

In other news, I went camping in the Catskills with Tim and Eric last weekend - hopefully there will be pictures soon. It was the coldest few days of the winter so far, and within the first few hours of arriving, I was convinced I was not going to make it. But after warming up in the car for a while, I decided it was worth the adventure and we all ended up having a great time.

We camped near Notch Lake and hiked up Hunter Mountain on Saturday - in a little over 2 miles we went up about 1500 ft. Luckily, Tim voluntarily carried the food and a camping stove up the hill so we had hot noodle soup with salami and cheese in the lean-to near the peak, pictured above. By the time we came down, most of the ice we'd fretted over going up had melted away. We then demonstrated the depth of science that goes into making a Duraflame-style log by warming up to its amazing heat.

Sunday we packed up, stopped by Sweet Sue's in Phoenicia for breakfast - we were all amazed at the people with their down jackets on inside the restaurant at that point. After the two hour drive back to New York City, we went to the Russian baths on the Lower East Side to wash away two days worth of serious stink. Three days is not very long, but when its too cold to touch skin with water and sweat builds up from the hot sleeping bags and the hiking, well, we all felt much better and enjoyed each others company more afterwards.

This week, we leave for Texas for Christmas and such. We'll be staying at Michelle's mom's place in Corpus Christi. Since it got warmer again here, maybe it won't be such a big difference, but it will still be a nice change of pace. I'll probably write again from there... Happy Holidays and all!

Change of pace

This month, because of scheduling issues at the hospital, I end up with an extra week before I see the neurologist again. I think my body's a little confused by this since I felt like it (the body part of me) was getting all geared up for another massive dose of toxins by getting anxious about every little thing. This week's anxiety-driver: my manager suggested I find a thank-you gift for an associate who has been acting as an informal consultant on my recent assignment of designing and installing a software build-and-deploy system for our team. Go figure.

I think the anxiety crested on Saturday night when I was having trouble sleeping and then had a long, elaborate nightmare in which Michelle and I plotted and carried out someone's murder. I won't bore you with the ramblings of my subconscious, but I ended up doing the deed, being arrested, and humiliated. It was an awful feeling and after a little reflection saw that in my mind, I am the killer and the victim here. I am not sure what else to make of it but it was the most powerful dream I've had in a long time.

Winter has started to move in here in southeastern Pennsylvania and with the cold comes colds and flus and the like. I've been lucky so far, even with my suppressed immune system, but Michelle has been out for a few days. It seemed like she was on her way out of a cold today when it turned flu-ish, so I'm watching over her this evening.

I'm considering requesting a 'chemo vacation' or hiatus, at least, for a few months while I try to learn more about the leukemia risk associated with Temodar. I think my body could really use the break, especially during the winter and I'd like a clearer head in making my decisions about this.