Change of pace

This month, because of scheduling issues at the hospital, I end up with an extra week before I see the neurologist again. I think my body's a little confused by this since I felt like it (the body part of me) was getting all geared up for another massive dose of toxins by getting anxious about every little thing. This week's anxiety-driver: my manager suggested I find a thank-you gift for an associate who has been acting as an informal consultant on my recent assignment of designing and installing a software build-and-deploy system for our team. Go figure.

I think the anxiety crested on Saturday night when I was having trouble sleeping and then had a long, elaborate nightmare in which Michelle and I plotted and carried out someone's murder. I won't bore you with the ramblings of my subconscious, but I ended up doing the deed, being arrested, and humiliated. It was an awful feeling and after a little reflection saw that in my mind, I am the killer and the victim here. I am not sure what else to make of it but it was the most powerful dream I've had in a long time.

Winter has started to move in here in southeastern Pennsylvania and with the cold comes colds and flus and the like. I've been lucky so far, even with my suppressed immune system, but Michelle has been out for a few days. It seemed like she was on her way out of a cold today when it turned flu-ish, so I'm watching over her this evening.

I'm considering requesting a 'chemo vacation' or hiatus, at least, for a few months while I try to learn more about the leukemia risk associated with Temodar. I think my body could really use the break, especially during the winter and I'd like a clearer head in making my decisions about this.